Author Archives: Monica's Books

Pilgrimage Diary – Not working

Me 1Today is my first day not working. There were times when I really did feel like the picture. A strange and rather wonderful sense of space. The spring flowers are everywhere, although no tulips yet (did I mention the tulips? I’ll get back to that). There were some things that should have been frustrating but weren’t: Meeting up with a friend cancelled, a very slow queue in the supermarket.

My original blog readers must be getting a bit frustrated because I haven’t done a book review in ages. I have been reading ‘A New kind of Christianity’ by Brian McLaren. There are some great ideas but I think it says a lot about the state of the church in the USA. We do moan about our rather meek and mild Church of England but maybe its not so bad after all! But he has some great ideas about Heaven, Hell and how we have got it wrong. Watch this space for more details.

Pilgrimage Diary – Sunday

I realise my posts have got a bit serious recently. But I had a lovely peaceful Sunday. Lucy has been baking for my last day at work tomorrow. Cakes below:

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I’ve started walking in the evenings. Yesterday I watched the moon rise over open the open fields (a line from a song I think) but without my camera. This evening I loved the shapes of the bare trees with the sunset behind. In a month they will have leaves on.

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Pilgrimage Diary – Work

It feels, finally, like my job is coming to an end. I have one more day on Monday. We had a small gathering in the local pub and I was given some very nice, art related, presents. There is some pressure, even now, to stay. One of the strange things about my journey with God is that I no longer feel I am ‘special’ because I am good with computers. This is not really humility. I’m just me. The fact that I can figure out these complex systems doesn’t make me better or worse, just me.

I keep on thinking about Peter fixing his eyes on Jesus and stepping out of that boat. The passage is from Matthew Chapter 14:

24-26 Meanwhile, the boat was far out to sea when the wind came up against them and they were battered by the waves. At about four o’clock in the morning, Jesus came toward them walking on the water. They were scared out of their wits. “A ghost!” they said, crying out in terror.

27 But Jesus was quick to comfort them. “Courage, it’s me. Don’t be afraid.”

28 Peter, suddenly bold, said, “Master, if it’s really you, call me to come to you on the water.”

29-30 He said, “Come ahead.”

Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, “Master, save me!”

31 Jesus didn’t hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, “Faint-heart, what got into you?”

32-33 The two of them climbed into the boat, and the wind died down. The disciples in the boat, having watched the whole thing, worshiped Jesus, saying, “This is it! You are God’s Son for sure!”

I know that God wants me to do this but I’m afraid of the waves. What happens if I just waste my time. If there isn’t anything else once I leave the ‘boat’ of computing. What happens if all my ideas are just that, my ideas. Its a matter of trust I guess.

Pilgrimage Diary – Walking

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Today is Wednesday but I’ve been too busy to show these of our beautiful walk on Sunday. I really enjoyed the first bit. Our teenage daughter came with us and we were chatting about cooking and other things. But we were going a bit slowly for her. ‘Its a bit monotonous, ‘ she said. ‘That’s sort of the point of walking,’ I replied. It was a beautiful spring day with the leaves just beginning to bud on the trees.

Later I went to church. To be honest I was too tired to really engage. The text was from John 3. This is one of the key passages in the whole of Christian thinking. It hinges on the idea of being ‘Born again’ or ‘Born of the spirit’.

Now the problem with this is not everyone is. The preacher himself admitted that this had never happened to him. And it is more a matter of need rather than merit. You can be a very good, kind person and never be born in the spirit. You can be a pretty awful, mixed up person and it can happen quite suddenly. The extreme example of this is Paul, on the road to Damascus. Its all a bit unfair really but typical of Jesus. The sick get the doctor and the healthy look on. When I’ve finished working (only three more days!) and have more time I’m going to go into this a bit more but this is all I have time for now.

Pilgrimage Diary – Work

I had all sorts of fun things to write about: Our walk yesterday, being ‘born again’. And I will, I promise, but something happened today that pulled me up short. The guy at work that I had been struggling with left very suddenly. When I spoke to my manager it turned out that it had been coming for a few weeks but a whole lot of thoughts came to me: Could I have been kinder, more patient? Should I have kept my misgivings to myself? What kind of job is it where a computer system is more important than the people who work on it? But a computer system runs the company. If it doesn’t work then the company could fail and that affects a whole lot more people? I have always avoided line management because, when it comes down to it, my loyalty at work is to the computer system. What kind of person does that make me?

Pigrimage diary – Waiting.

IMG_0131One of the things I like about cooking is that it takes a certain time. There are periods when you have to wait for things to be cooked, or cooled, or to ‘rest’. Yesterday, with all the pastry disasters there was a lot of waiting around. About every six weeks we do a meal for homeless and disadvantaged people. The people working in the kitchen turn up at about 11am and chop vegetables and get things ready. Then there is a ‘lull’ while we stand around chatting. As I’m the team leader I always feel a bit guilty about this as I think everyone wants to be and useful all the time. But its just the way food preparation works, especially when you are cooking for a lot of people. Then we serve it out and every one is busy.

The picture today is in our ‘conservatory’ which is very rough and ready as you can see. There is a large bougainvillea plant in there. The winter has been very long, wet and dark here (although not as cold as in the US or Canada) and I was beginning to think this plant had given up. But yesterday I noticed all of these new shoots. In a month or so they will be bright pink. One of the things we are loosing in our modern society is learning to wait.

I’m preparing a bible study for next week and one of the passages is John 15: 5-8. He talks about being part of his Vine. We have a vine outside and it looks dead. But it isn’t. Just waiting.

Pilgrimage diary – Cooking day.

IMG_0129Spent the whole afternoon cooking for the quiz tonight. My attempt at pastry was a disaster so I got some out the freezer. Turned out OK in the end.

Pilgrimage Diary 7th March

North DownsWhen we did our practice walk I took this picture looking towards Dorking from St Martha’s Church. It was a cold but beautiful day, until the hail came down later in the afternoon.

Lent always brings out interesting conversations in the office. We have been talking about prayer. I think we are very fortunate to be able to pray so freely and however we want really. And one of the Christians is fasting every day, just eating after 6. I’m really impressed. It makes my efforts to give up cakes and chocolate quite trivial. But then, as I said there are only two rules: Love God and Love each other. Lots of answers to prayer today. I’m hoping we have found a replacement for me and I feel I’m on much better terms with the person I wasn’t getting on with earlier in the week.

Quote for today from ‘A new kind of Christianity’ by Brian McClaren:

(We see) the Age of the Spirit, an approach to Christian faith that tries to preserve the treasures of previous eras an face and embrace the challenges of the twenty-first century. So something is happening. Something is afoot. A change is in the wind.

Pilgrimage diary March 6th

IMG_0127The usual rush to church last night for Ash Wednesday. I took this slightly wonky photo of the church, all lit up. The word penitence came up quite a lot and I had a think about my sins. I had a row with my teenage daughter this morning but I think all mums do some of the time. We seem to be OK again now. I’m struggling with one of my colleagues. IT is an unforgiving profession. The most annoying thing is to pretend you know what is what when you don’t. I’ve managed to keep calm by not talking to him very much but that is hardly a Christian way to act.

The list of what I haven’t done that I should have done is enormous. ‘Sins of Omission’ the old confession calls them. Is each one of them a sin? I hope not or I’m done for.

The word ‘righteous’ came up quite a lot. I quite like this word. My internal translation is ‘at right angles to’. I imagine a well fitting joint, a book sitting on a well made shelf, a bottom sitting on a comfortable chair. In that sense I’m not apart from God, but the joint is rattling a bit, the book is leaning at 45 degrees. With just over a week left of work I’m handing stuff over, getting other people to take responsibility. Because our computers are managed by another company there are a whole lot of people I work with that I’ve never seen. I had a long chat with one of them, Kevin, about my work break. He had done something similar to travel in North America. I explained that this was a sort of spiritual journey, but I wasn’t sure where it would lead. I’m amazed how encouraging and receptive people are.

I cooked a sausage casserole tonight and I’m going to sit down and watch telly with Lucy. More tomorrow.